Treasures of My Heart

The holidays are upon us and I find myself decorating in a different place after 21 years of marriage including 14 of those years in the same family home. What’s missing? Well, physically quite a lot: First and foremost, the husband and father I had planned to share my life with; The front window where our tree would be placed every year; The cozy family room and fireplace where we would roast marsh mellows after Christmas Eve service; The rooms in which I rocked my two youngest babies, where I nurtured all three of the boys, hosted birthday parties and family gatherings; The kitchen with windows to the yard where our sons would run, jump and play, yes, where they grew up! The place our family lived and created memories and where I dreamed of happily ever after with my husband and three sons. The special areas within our home where I thanked God for all my blessings but in the later years where I prayed for guidance in all the heartache I was facing in my marriage and our lives. What’s missing? That place we as a family called HOME. Recently my college age son said he felt “displaced” since our summer move and I told him I was sorry but that I understood. I told him I hoped that he knew that “home” for him would always be “wherever I was” and he said he knew it would. What is that saying? ”Home is where the heart is.” I am comfortable with the home the boys and I have transitioned to since the divorce and it has made life more much more manageable. But, I also know that HOME was a huge piece of each of us and we had to let it go. So there is justification for the way we may be feeling or for what is missing during this first holiday season in a different place. I keep pulling out more and more decorations, trying to find to find a place for everything special, but it won’t all fit. Tears stream as I realize some will have to stay tucked away, like those memories I will never forget. But the tears aren’t really about there not being enough room for things, they are about what I miss, what I wanted for my family, and the love I long for again one day. So I tell myself to remember that everything I miss isn’t gone, it is just tucked away in little pieces of my heart, where I keep all my treasures. Home IS wherever your heart IS, it’s about what is around you or who. I can always keep those treasures and memories near my heart.
“For where your treasure is, there will be your heart also.” Matthew 6:21

My Sons - My Blessings

WRITTEN 11-7-2010 BUT NOT POSTED TIL TODAY 11-14-2010 (Busy week!)
I had an incredible weekend as a Mother and it made me feel some wholeness again, maybe even assurance that all I/we as a broken family of divorce went through was finally beginning to show some positives. The whole weekend was with my sons. I treasured the one-on-one with my youngest and his sincerity and wonder of life melted me. I also enjoyed so much the grin on his face when beating me in a card game! It was my middle son's 15th birthday and I have watched with pride his maturity and growth into a young man these past two difficult years. On our return home, he drove the entire 90-mile trip with ease and responsibility and I had to think praise for I am the one that helped him reach this milestone. There was nothing but joy in visiting my oldest at college over the weekend and seeing the success of him thriving in his new phase of life, yet deeply enjoying our family time together, and even his love for his girlfriend. Watching the brothers wrestle, tease one another, all of us happy and sharing, it was priceless. So before my head hit the pillow Sunday night, I wondered...has it begun? My return to wholeness? Are my sons the continued keys in this blessed life of mine? I end the night in prayer thanking God for my blessings and for all He has done to help me through the emptiness and for the beauty of the return to wholeness.

"I know well the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for woe, plans to give you a future full of hope." Jeremiah 29:11