Wednesday, December 29, 2010 - Staying on Track
Guidance is a hug part of the journey I have been on the last two years through separation and divorce. So many special people helped me stay on track through the highs and lows along the way. I am so grateful for the friends who stood beside me – walking with me by listening, advising, holding me up, and helping turn all the tears into strength. I am so blessed by family who gave their love, prayers, and support – they were rocks I could cling to when I was swaying. The path of life I left behind was going downhill in alcoholism, debt, distrust, depression and despair.
God guided me, filled my soul and kept my face toward the sun on the new path, which gave me the strength to keep walking uphill. The sunshine along my path was, still is, and will always be – my three sons. My most important role in life is still the same – Mother. I truly feel it is the greatest gift I have been given. It is what I always wanted but I didn’t expect the huge detour that led to me to losing my husband. But as many have told me, I was already doing most of it on my own as far as raising our sons. That is what my ex could never see…all I wanted was for us to be his priority. But now, my former husband and I are working together on some parenting since the divorce– even more so than when married. I hope it shows our sons that I can work through anything as long as it is for them. One of my friends said she doesn’t know many people who can spend the day with their ex-spouse. I am glad I am not that kind of person. I think it helps the kids understand the path I chose because I am getting back to the person I used to be.
The peace I continue to gain in my heart assures me to keep walking straight. By keeping my faith in God while walking, I know am on the right track. With this, I can keep believing in myself and my choices and providing guidance to those following along – my three sons. Despite watching their parents head down different paths, I pray that I am helping them see that I couldn’t be the person on that other path any longer…I had lost myself and what it takes to be a good Mom. But now the path is clear, it is widening, and I am gaining speed and still moving uphill. Who knows what detours are ahead or even unexpected turns? But as long as I know who my Guide is I believe I will stay on track.
“The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs.” Isaiah 58:11
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
The Promise
Sunday, December 19 2010
Come Live Within The Promise
The title above was the sermon today at church on the last Sunday of Advent. I had been searching for something to prompt my next writing piece. God speaks to me so openly sometimes. The minister spoke of the four Sundays of Advent as we have prepared for Christmas: First – Come, Second – Live, Third – Within, Fourth – The Promise. Our Advent theme has been “Gather Us In.” I look forward to doing that with family this week…gathering. It is something I look forward to every year at Christmas and because I am beginning to heal from my divorce, I feel I can enjoy the holiday better than the last two Christmases past. In addition to preparing for Christ’s birth, I have been “gathering” gifts for more than just my kids this year. They aren’t gifts of big monetary value but they are gifts from my heart and I am glad I had energy to do it this year, unlike the last two. I enjoy giving and want others to know how much I appreciate them – it’s the way I want to LIVE my life.
I have always felt close to God but I truly believe He invited me to COME two years ago when I knew I had to do something to save myself and my family. I feel He has let me come to Him and He has taught me so much. He knew I had to find a new way to LIVE. There are still complications from my broken marriage and often frustration for the boys and me because of it, but for the most part, I have found a healthy way to live again and that is worth its weight in gold. To live within the promise of God, how grand! I honestly don’t know how people can live any other way and I have such peace knowing I will never have to do so.
Today brings us to “The promise” – the last Sunday of preparation before “Christ is Born” or Christmas. The minister referenced one definition of promise as “a reason to expect something.” Expectations are a hard thing for me to work through sometimes, especially related to alcoholism. During the separation and divorce, I was counseled to not have any (expectations) where my former husband is concerned because it only brings disappointment. I often felt cheated by this idea and it seemed so unreasonable. Maybe that is why I like today’s definition of the promise so much, because it makes sense to me. I want to be a loving, giving person, but in order for me to be fulfilled, don’t I have a reason to expect something in return? Shouldn’t we all live with expectations or that hope in our hearts? The promise helps us do so.
I am so grateful to be “gathered in” this Christmas. I Come to Live Within The Promise. I look forward to celebrating the birth of Jesus and the Christmas Eve service with my beautiful family. I will savor the glow of the candles on each of their faces as we sing Silent Night in the end and I will probably shed a tear. However, this year a tear or two won’t be so full of worry and despair, but more so full of life and from living the promise within.
“And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” --Philippians 4:7
Come Live Within The Promise
The title above was the sermon today at church on the last Sunday of Advent. I had been searching for something to prompt my next writing piece. God speaks to me so openly sometimes. The minister spoke of the four Sundays of Advent as we have prepared for Christmas: First – Come, Second – Live, Third – Within, Fourth – The Promise. Our Advent theme has been “Gather Us In.” I look forward to doing that with family this week…gathering. It is something I look forward to every year at Christmas and because I am beginning to heal from my divorce, I feel I can enjoy the holiday better than the last two Christmases past. In addition to preparing for Christ’s birth, I have been “gathering” gifts for more than just my kids this year. They aren’t gifts of big monetary value but they are gifts from my heart and I am glad I had energy to do it this year, unlike the last two. I enjoy giving and want others to know how much I appreciate them – it’s the way I want to LIVE my life.
I have always felt close to God but I truly believe He invited me to COME two years ago when I knew I had to do something to save myself and my family. I feel He has let me come to Him and He has taught me so much. He knew I had to find a new way to LIVE. There are still complications from my broken marriage and often frustration for the boys and me because of it, but for the most part, I have found a healthy way to live again and that is worth its weight in gold. To live within the promise of God, how grand! I honestly don’t know how people can live any other way and I have such peace knowing I will never have to do so.
Today brings us to “The promise” – the last Sunday of preparation before “Christ is Born” or Christmas. The minister referenced one definition of promise as “a reason to expect something.” Expectations are a hard thing for me to work through sometimes, especially related to alcoholism. During the separation and divorce, I was counseled to not have any (expectations) where my former husband is concerned because it only brings disappointment. I often felt cheated by this idea and it seemed so unreasonable. Maybe that is why I like today’s definition of the promise so much, because it makes sense to me. I want to be a loving, giving person, but in order for me to be fulfilled, don’t I have a reason to expect something in return? Shouldn’t we all live with expectations or that hope in our hearts? The promise helps us do so.
I am so grateful to be “gathered in” this Christmas. I Come to Live Within The Promise. I look forward to celebrating the birth of Jesus and the Christmas Eve service with my beautiful family. I will savor the glow of the candles on each of their faces as we sing Silent Night in the end and I will probably shed a tear. However, this year a tear or two won’t be so full of worry and despair, but more so full of life and from living the promise within.
“And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” --Philippians 4:7
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Love is Patient and Kind
December 5, 2010 - I watched a family in church today with envy. It is something I always wanted but never had – my family in church together often. For all of us to attend together, it had to be a special occasion or holiday. I watched the father/husband of this particular family today, stand up and let his entire family go first ahead of him for Communion. I thought about how symbolic that was … to put your family first. Love is patient and kind. I remember the verse from 1st Corinthians being read in my wedding long ago. But then I also remember the last Christmas Eve service before my husband and I separated and later divorced. He walked in to join us at church and didn’t even come sit by HIS own family but instead he attended HIS way by sitting next to my brother-in-law at the opposite end of the pew. I am not resentful now but I was at the time as I was so unhappy with the way we were living.
But by now, two years later, I realize how much facing the truth by dealing with all the problems and finding solutions was my way to build a new way of life, a way to rejoice. I had to get back to happiness within myself and there was no way to do so living as that split family under the same roof. As a married couple, we were irritable because we weren’t sharing a marriage or our family at home, let alone together in church. Once that unhappiness started to affect our kids, I knew I had to step up to the reality, I had to hope and believe in what I set out to do next, as hard as it was to do so. My sons and I represented the family and the dad/father of our home walked the other way and chose HIS way of life so many times. It isn’t that it was always wrong doing, or then again, is it? When you marry, shouldn’t it be about that patient and kind love of ALL things…bearing, believing, hoping, and enduring? But it takes two people to share that way of life in a happy marriage. My patience had worn out due to the effects of his alcoholism.
There were still small acts of kindness and even love, but it was no longer enough. One of my biggest hopes in bringing me and our family home to happiness again is that I am teaching my sons that love, marriage, and family is about tranquility and a sense of togetherness. I hope they are learning that you have to give of yourself in a relationship to get something in return. I hope that our time in church together, and even more so the faith I have brought to our family, helps them become young men who will be like that husband and father in church today, putting family first.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
But by now, two years later, I realize how much facing the truth by dealing with all the problems and finding solutions was my way to build a new way of life, a way to rejoice. I had to get back to happiness within myself and there was no way to do so living as that split family under the same roof. As a married couple, we were irritable because we weren’t sharing a marriage or our family at home, let alone together in church. Once that unhappiness started to affect our kids, I knew I had to step up to the reality, I had to hope and believe in what I set out to do next, as hard as it was to do so. My sons and I represented the family and the dad/father of our home walked the other way and chose HIS way of life so many times. It isn’t that it was always wrong doing, or then again, is it? When you marry, shouldn’t it be about that patient and kind love of ALL things…bearing, believing, hoping, and enduring? But it takes two people to share that way of life in a happy marriage. My patience had worn out due to the effects of his alcoholism.
There were still small acts of kindness and even love, but it was no longer enough. One of my biggest hopes in bringing me and our family home to happiness again is that I am teaching my sons that love, marriage, and family is about tranquility and a sense of togetherness. I hope they are learning that you have to give of yourself in a relationship to get something in return. I hope that our time in church together, and even more so the faith I have brought to our family, helps them become young men who will be like that husband and father in church today, putting family first.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)